Insensitive comments

Sigh... Sometimes I think I get too worked up over things. But maybe it's worth it if it makes for good blog post fodder/motivation?

At lunchtime today, a coworker who has two kids (the older is BR's age) was talking about getting up to tend to the younger one in the middle of the night. Another coworker was questioning her about it, suggesting it may be time to night wean and sleep train the youngster. I chimed in to say that BR was still waking up most nights at 2 and a half... This was meant as a helpful comment, letting my friend know that other kids also woke up in the middle of the night at her son's age, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

Turns out I should have kept my mouth shut. I was told I didn't know what I was talking about since I only had one kid, and that just cannot compare to having two of them. Never mind that I wasn't trying to compare, or even say anything like "I know how you feel", since I am well aware that I don't. I sure didn't appreciate having it shoved in my face, though, and basically being told that I am not part of the group, because I only have one child.

Of course, having two children is different than having one (and in most cases, harder, especially in the early years). But at the same time, I would hope that as adults we would not be induging in silly games of "I have it so much harder than you", especially when it comes to such a minefield as human reproduction. Arguably, people have somewhat of an idea of what's coming when they decide to have a second child. On the other hand, some of us may not appreciate to be reminded that we "only" have one child (and that's all we'll ever have - queue the tiny violins).

Anyway, I guess my lesson here is to learn to keep my mouth shut. Won't be easy!

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest I feel better now :)

A lot of work ahead, and some fun

It's been a hard week in our household. BR is going through another phase of asserting her independence, wanting to control absolutely everything and fighting us tooth and nail if things don't go her way. I had kind of hoped the "terrible two's" were behind us, and all of a sudden we get tantrums like we haven't seen before.

Today I realized something: at least part of the problem in the last few weeks has been on my part. In the past, when BR had a meltdown or a tantrum, I remembered that she was just a kid (baby, really), trying to sort out her emotions, and not able to handle them. I think we've been fairly successful in navigating those waters.

This time things are different. BR seems defiant, and trying to push boundaries in ways she's never done before. While in the past she might have fought us on one thing or another, because she actually cared about that specific thing, we could often negotiate with her and explain why things had to be done a certain way. Now, once she gets into the fighting spirit, she will fight over anything and everything, and there's just no negotiating at all. She does not want to hear it.

Unfortunately, this is where I discovered how stubborn I really am. I can't believe I never really wondered about my stubbornness before, but at least now I know. I get it into my head that my job is to enforce some boundaries, and while I try to do my best to pick my battles, once the line in the sand is drawn, I stick to it. Not that it feels good, mind you. I get annoyed and frustrated, but I won't give in, and we and up in a battle of wills.

Anyway, half the battle is figuring out the problem, and today I realized how much baggage I am bringing into the whole exchange and how much resentment it stirs up inside me. I'm realizing that I don't enjoy being the rule enforcer, but I don't know how to do anything other than deal with rules. The saving grace thus far has been the fact that BR also loves rules (taking after her Mum I guess), and so as long as we explain things well at her level, we were usually ok.

Anyway, all that as a long way of explaining that I have a fair bit of work to do to apply this new found knowledge/understanding, and work at diffusing situations by not letting these altercations get the best of me and not contribute to the escalation. Wish me luck!

Luckily there are lots of fun things planned for the weekend too, that we can look forward to (playdates and things!), so I'm hoping it will all be good in the end :)

Gack!

...to borrow BR's favourite expression of frustration :)

Of course as soon as I decide to participate in NaPoBloMo, our internet access goes all kablooey as soon as rain started on Sunday. Two days of slow as molasses internet meant that I only updated BR's blog.

On the plus side, all the forced introspection to find out some things to let go of really did seem to work out pretty well. I am feeling a lot less overwhelmed today than I was on Friday, which has gotta be a good thing :)

Things I am ready to let go of: parental guilt at not always being the 100% perfect parent (easier said than done, but I'm working on it), as well as stressing out over my current weight/appearance. I think I am about 10lbs heavier than this time last year and have been trying to find non-intrusive ways to deal with that (as to not overburden myself), but just the fact that I'm regularly thinking about it is tiring enough. So out it goes.

So that's that :) Bedtime now, but more musings to come later.

Filler

Ok, so I'm not going to hit the one post a day thing, not even close, and things are a little busy/chaotic right now, but I figured I had a minute to post this photo from a few weeks ago. It's not the supermoon, but it's close (a few days earlier):

So far so good

Well, instead of decluttering, today we decided to fill up our day by heading to a sugar bush. It was a nice family activity, outside in the beautiful sun, walking through the woods and enjoying the sights. We got there early enough that there weren't too many crowds, which was pretty nice.

We got back home for a quick snack and went out for some errands. On our way back, BR fell asleep in the car just as we were getting home, so I sat with her in the car (while DH was taking his own nap inside the house), and managed to finish reading one of my library books - Parking Lot Rules.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, but at least having finished the book I now have one less thing on my plate :) It was worthwhile to finish the book, while a lot of the content was common sense, it had some helpful reminders. I think the whole reason I checked it out of the library was because I needed some of these reminders, so it all works out well!

Still not much progress on yesterday's goal for the weekend, but I do have a whole other day to work on it - I am optimistic!

NaPoBloMo

I'm going to try something new this month. Clearly the last attempt at blogging more often did not work all that very well... So this month I will be aiming for short posts, but daily (eek!).

Today's prompt is "What are you ready to let go of?". And I am not sure of the answer. It is clear to me that I am juggling too many things at once (hence the radio silence on the blog). Work is very demanding at this point, and I am on a path to join the ranks of management - I am hoping that it would mean less work hours, or specifically, less overtime hours... But in the meantime it means putting even more responsibilities on my plate as I learn to navigate the chasm (between grunt and management)

At home, I am working on completing a personal interest course, which I am hoping to finish by this summer.

On the other hand, there's all the home obligations - BR's blog (not dropping that), food prep, laundry (also not negotiable), preparing for the trip to Poland at the end of the month, and possibly a few smaller trips in the summer.

I also have a few library books on the go. Now that I'm typing it all out, it does sound like I've crammed a few too many things into my schedule - and that is even ignoring the miscellaneous dentist and doctor visits that have a tendency to crop up...

Which actually leads me to one answer - maybe it's time for me to let go of the need to "improve" myself on all fronts (exercise, reading, self-improvement, you name it). So my goal for this weekend is to choose a single goal to focus on for the next three months. Hopefully I can come up with a targeted focus that will leave me feeling less harried and confused...

Here's hoping :)

Navel gazing with a needle in my arm

Funny thing happened today at work. First of all, because of the big snow storm, barely anyone showed up at work. Secondly, a blood donor clinic had been scheduled in our cafeteria, and they weren't very busy. I had tried giving blood in the past, and always ended up feeling faint, and I was told to try again after having a child.

So today it felt like the perfect situation to try again. I went down, filled out the paperwork, spent a fair amount of time waiting, talking to the nurses etc. I actually had to convince them to let me try again, since the last time I attempted to give blood (13 years ago) they put a big note on my file about fainting. Anyway, in the end they gave me another chance.

I was halfway through the big bag of blood, in a record breaking 2 minutes (it used to take me quite a while to fill the bag), when the familiar light-headed feeling started creeping in. I let the nurse know, they immediately sprung into action, flipping my seat head down, cold compresses, a fan, the whole shebang. And thus, I have been banned from giving blood ever again...

On the one hand I am glad I tried again, now I know I am just not made to give blood. On the other hand I feel bad for causing all this trouble, really uncomfortable with all the hoopla made about me (I didn't even faint!), and a little bit embarrassed about the whole episode. Quite a few coworkers must have seen me there surrounded by nurses and compresses etc. Luckily I've lived down my share of embarrassing moments at work, so I am not overly concerned :)

Technical difficulties

Le sigh! I truly had good intentions for more posting (and still do in fact). Was interrupted by BR getting sick (two days of fever and misery followed by a week of antibiotics), but more importantly by technical adjustments. DH spent the weekend re-imaging my laptop, and then did it again on his day off yesterday. My poor laptop needed it in a bad way - it had become so sluggish it was bordering on unuseable. It's quite unbelievable how much faster and quieter it is working now! So I have no more technical excuses for the radio silence. My daily updates to BR's blog should take a fraction of the time they used to, leaving me more time for other posting/reading and miscellaneous activities.

But now it's bedtime, so any profound thoughts I had to share will have until later. Goodnight!

Getting chattier

I've been neglecting this blog quite a bit over the last few years (mostly due to all the blogging I do on BR's blog). But I miss it, and I get a little disappointed in how many fully composed (in my head) posts I have not managed to type up over the last while. So I am going to try something new - I am challenging myself to post something at least once a week.

So this post is my way of making sure I commit to this publicly, so that I hopefully don't forget about it ;)

Hoping to be talking to you a lot more very soon :)

Deer visitors

Picture taken out of BR's window this morning:

There were four deer in total, venturing out of the woods to find something to eat - mostly attacking low branches on our trees and shrubs.

Time with family

Went down to my office tonight to drop off and pick up some assorted things. Luckily I had grabbed the camera, as I got to snap this shot of a goose family:
Thanks to the fence, I didn't get attacked - they can be quite vicious!

Family ties

Conversation with BR this morning on our way out of the house:

BR: "Lamb and Froggie and Giraffe are sitting together. They are sisters."
Me: "Sisters are nice."
BR: "Papa is a sister."
Me: "Well, no, not quite."
BR: "Papa is a brother."
Me: "Yes, he is."
BR: "Papa is a brother to Mummy?"
Me: "..."

Of course I did go into the whole explanation of who is related to whom and how, but I thought it was just so cute to watch her explore all these new (to her) concepts...

Passport pictures

How come they always seem to suck? We just got some done this weekend, and DH looks like some kind of serial killer, I look totally matronly, and while BR looks pretty cute, she seems so sad! And it's not like they forbid kids from smiling in these pictures ;)

Handheld doohickey?

I am starting to think I need to give in and get myself some kind of electronic tether device, like one of those modern cell phones or some kind of other handheld device. I don't really need the cell part of it, as I rarely find myself wishing I could call someone (though I imagine that could change easily once I actually had a cellphone). But I am finding it hard to keep on top of all the "to-do" lists I have on the go, and even more importantly ;) the blog post ideas that pop up in the most odd places, like the dentist's waiting room.

So in the interest of having my life flow smoother, keeping the number of to-do lists to a respectable 2 or 3 (instead of the dozens floating around right now), keeping better track of appointments and commitments, and generally be less frazzled at times (at least I hope so), I am convinced I need to get me one of those things.

A few years ago my company was running a trial of the network (one part of the company was working on wireless networks), so I signed up and got to use a fancy cellphone/PDA/wifi thing for a little over a year. It certainly helped me get more organized, but I was really hard on it, and after a while it started spontaneously hard rebooting on me, losing all my information in the process and driving me absolutely mad!!! So I have to be careful in my choice of device... Obviously those things have come a long way in the last few years, so it should be easy to find something more robust :)

So if I have any readers left after my prolonged silences, if you have any ideas/suggestions let me know (via comments, emails, or whatever works for you, I am not picky). I haven't started looking yet, so any pointers at all are very much appreciated.

And if you're thinking it's odd that someone working for a telecomm company has no clue about wireless devices, my lame excuse is that I've never worked in the wireless division, and like many old-school geeks I am somewhat gadget-averse and have a big phobia of ongoing expenses like monthly service fees. What can I say, it takes all kinds, eh :)

Discombobulated

Background info: my current employer is in bankruptcy protection, and selling off different divisions one at a time, including my area, which was sold at auction and is currently being transferred to the new owner. This week we've seen layoffs for some, and job offers extended to others.

I am only now realizing how discombobulated I've been feeling over the last few weeks. Luckily it's all job related ;) We've known for a while that 15% layoffs were coming early in the year. I don't even think my crappy frame of mind had anything to do with being worried for my job (at this point I am mostly feeling fatalistic about the whole thing, and I'd like to think I would have been mostly ok no matter the outcome); I think it's the whole atmosphere at work getting to me. Things have been quiet, hushed, everyone huddling down and trying to get their own work done lest they appear as not being busy enough (and hence somewhat disposable). It made for a very grim workplace, a far cry from the usually friendly and mostly cooperative environment I am used to...

The fly in the ointment here is that I've finally snagged the team lead position I had been promised eons ago (as in, before I even got pregnant), so I should be ramping up my leadership role. I thought I was doing pretty well at first, but I am realizing that the last few weeks I've basically been doing the bare minimum on that front, basically just focusing on my individual goals, due to the aforementioned atmosphere...

The layoffs were announced yesterday, and job offers extended today. And yes, I am one of the lucky recipients of an offer letter. I am hoping I can somehow drag myself out of this fog and start focusing on the task at hand (leading the team) before I seriously start hating my job with a passion and become grumpy and bitter...

P.S. I am hoping that now that I've broken the long blog silence, I will get back to posting more regularly. I have tons of blog-thoughts rattling in my brain asking to be released...

Company for breakfast

This morning, BR and I were having breakfast, when all of a sudden I noticed some movement outside our kitchen window. I turned BR's high chair around so she would have a good view, ran to get the camera, and started snapping.

At first, you could barely see them:
Then a brave soul ventured a little closer:

Soon to be joined by a few friends:


BR couldn't stop laughing at their white tails :)

Shape-shifter would have been even better

"I am the photonics time-shifter" said the voice at the other end. I had been paged a few mornings ago (oh, the joys of a work pager), and I was returning the call. I've heard the expression before, but it never stops making me giggle. The idea is that we have people working with us offshore, with a time difference of almost 12 hours. So during our nighttime, they use our labs remotely. However, they sometimes need someone on-site to move cards around and such. This is the person known as "timeshifter", working on India time but in Ottawa.

I wish my title was half as cool!

Not the best week

So I've been having a bit of a crappy week. Just a combination of many factors, really, but mostly because the cold bug that BR and DH have been passing around to each other finally managed to catch up to me. So I've been coughing and sneezing and generally feeling miserable, but because of a super tight deadline at work I wasn't able to take any time off (in fact, I worked in the evening more times this week than all year so far). Luckily I seem to have mostly fought it off by now, so I'm hoping for a better weekend. In the meantime, I'm going to take a few minutes to vent here, so if you're not prepared to read through a bunch of grumpy drivel, feel free to skip the rest of this post. I'm hoping to come back with some more interesting content soon...

This week I took BR for her 18 month checkup visit at the doctor. It went mostly well, except for two minor annoyances. First, the doctor gave me a hard time for BR's eczema, suggesting I give her a bath in the Ave.eno oatmeal bath treatment twice a week "and it will all go away". This is the same advice she has been giving me since BR was born, and while it helps keep the skin moisturised, clearly, it doesn't make it go away. I use the bath treatments, I use super thick ointment, I am careful with soaps and detergents and everything... And overall, I do think her skin is doing ok, but it's certainly not perfect porcelain baby skin (which incidentally I had a chance to see last weekend - the 18 month old daughter of a friend of a friend has the most amazing delicate baby skin, enough to make me jealous!). So I get a little annoyed when our doctor seems to completely forget that BR has skin issues and treats it like something new that needs an "intervention", when I'm already doing everything I can think of to keep it under control.

The other thing that made me shake my head was the doctor asking us what kinds of TV shows BR watches. I was taken a little bit aback, as I didn't expect the question. It turns out she just wanted to distract BR with talk of her "favourite" characters, and was looking for some input from me (Do.ra? Sponge.bob?). But BR hasn't seen much TV, and so far seems pretty impervious to its influence - last weekend at the cottage with 4 other 18 month olds, when the kids would watch videos she would sneak into the toy area and play with the toys noone else was interested in anymore - she thought it was a hoot. Given that the AAP recommends no TV for kids under 2, I was quite surprised to have a physician ask about TV characters... Next time I'll be more prepared. After all, BR is very interested in animals, so an elephant would have been a good "character" to suggest in this case.

Once we got BRs appointment out of the way, DH had one the next day to discuss the results of his checkup a few weeks ago, as well as the biopsy of a growth that was cut out of his face last month. His checkup results were mostly ok, with some concern about high tri.glycerides (could cause heart disease) and generally being somewhat overweight. The biopsy results indicated it was basal cell carcinoma. DH feels that it's not a great surprise, what with his fair skin, many sunburns in his younger years, and family history of cancer. And after reading a bit about it, it's not that scary of a diagnosis - low risk of metastasis etc, but it's still not something you like to hear. From the looks of his nicely healing cut where the growth used to be, they got the whole thing, so he should be done with this one. He'll have to get checked regularly of course, and be even more diligent about sun exposure (is that even possible?), but it really looks like they caught it in time. Still, it's a bummer.

So that's pretty much the summary of my week. I think I'm still processing most of the stuff, doesn't all quite feel real yet. I guess that's what the weekend is for...

Culinary corner

So, despite being busy as all get out, this week I had a few inspiring moments in the kitchen. Which makes me pretty happy. I like spending time in the kitchen, but I don't like having to spend time in the kitchen if I am not feeling like it. Some weeks it's easier than others...

First off there was the bacon wrapped asparagus, for the BBQ at a friends' place, inspired by the comments from other friends saying "why do we even need any veggies, our vegan friend cannot make it this time!". I have to say, despite my original reservations, the bacon wrapped asparagus was quite popular. The combination of flavours and textures was quite interesting. And it was very easy to make (wrap, fry, done!).

Then there was the last minute frittata I made for Friday's lunch. DH was originally supposed to have the day off, so my plan was going out for lunch with him ;) But plans changed at the last minute, so I had to improvise a lunch for us to take to work (we generally eat bigger, warm lunches and smaller suppers). I just threw together 4 eggs, a bunch of milk, a cup and a half of flour, 3 handfuls of spinach (leftovers), a handful or so of mushrooms, poured it into a pan that I had buttered and put some shredded cheese on the bottom. Bake at 350 for 35 minutes, and I have to say the result was yum. Mostly I think thanks to the freshness of the spinach, that gave the whole thing a juicy and fresh texture, but even DH enjoyed it (and he usually dislikes spinach and mushrooms).

Then on the weekend I made some yummy gazpacho (fresh veggies at the Farmer's Market). A nice way to round out the week :)

You know you're tired when...

...getting a root canal feels like an express trip to the spa :)

This is what I was thinking lying in the dentist's chair on Monday. Not really helping matters was the fact that the daycare asked me to pick up BR that morning because of diarrhea (I'll just have to take their word for it), so I had to get DH to come home to take care of her so I could make it to the dentist, and also figure out how I could manage to get my work done, since I had a deadline for that day. So it's really no surprise that getting to recline back in the chair and not being able to get anything "done" for the next 45 minutes, I felt like I was finally getting a chance to relax and get some me-time :)

But I'm not complaining. Wouldn't change my life for anything! Heck, we're even starting to get decent nights of sleep!