Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Today is DH's birthday! So please join me in song:

Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear DH!
Happy birthday to you!

And a Sto lat! for good measure!

And many happy returns!


Wednesday, March 21, 2007


My new theory (and I haven't done any research on this, so it could be someone else's theory, or it may have been debunked at some point) is that depression is simply a state of extreme connectedness. It's like you feel everything, only magnified. Or maybe that's actually more bipolar ;) I've just been finding that I respond emotionally to everything, just a lot stronger than usual. Sort of a super-enhanced PMS, withouth the aggressivity ;)

I find myself moved by most human contact. It sounds kinda silly, but I am amazed at the good will that people have towards me. People smile and say hi, or stop for a quick chat in the hallway. It makes me feel connected to the fabric of the universe, as those tiny little threads of human connections are an intergral part of the big tapestry.

I'd keep on philosophizing, but I got lots of work waiting for me...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


Forgot to mention in my last post: the one thing yesterday (and today) that really touched my heart was all the birthday wishes I got from people. I am not the best at remembering dates, so I am always so amazed that anyone would remember my birthday! It sounds kind of silly now that I've written it down, but it was really nice to be remembered I guess :) I am so vain!


So yesterday was my birthday. The big 3-2. Not a milestone birthday by any stretch, and yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is most likely because I've been in quite a bit of a slump for the last month. Nothing serious, just a bit of depression coming back to haunt me. Never let it be said that you can get over depression... No matter where you get in your life it's always lurking around the corner waiting to pounce the moment it realizes that you are vulnerable. Sigh!

Now, don't you go and get worried about me. The fact that I am actually writing about it tells me that I am much better able to handle this than I've ever been. I am not looking for sympathy, and this is not some cry for help, I just thought I'd document a bit of what's going on inside my head (a dicey proposition at the best of times!)...

In all fairness, my birthday itself was very nice. Everyone involved did their best to celebrate the occasion with enthusiasm and flair. My family in Montreal threw a dinner party Sunday night, which was quite delicious and very enjoyable. I got beautiful gifts and cards, and even cake (though it was chocolate, so I didn't actually have any). We didn't leave Montreal until late, so we got home past our bedtime, but it was worth it :)

Then last night DH took me out for dinner, and then we had another cake at home. This one was a raspberry mousse, so I had a decent sized piece :) He also got me a very very cute little marzipan tiger. I'll try to remember to take a picture of him one of these days so I can post it here.

So you're going to say this doesn't really sound like such a terrible birtday, and you're probably right. Except maybe for all the people asking me about my procreation plans... And most of those people were not even aware that it was my birthday! What, do I have a tattoo on my forehead that says "Please ask me about babies!!!"? I mean, I expect that from my Mom, but casual acquaintances at work??? Just plain weird. It doesn't really help that the writer of one of the blogs I've come to follow religiously get some terribly upsetting news yesterday (and I find that she communicates it so well, you feel like you're there with her...).

So why the long face you ask? They say depression doesn't need a reason, and that's probably true, and sometimes small things (and at times big things) can give you that little nudge... And now every time I think about writing a blog, the only things that come to mind are dark and gloomy thoughts. Instead of giving into that impulse, I've decided that I want to sit down and write an entry about all the happy moments in my life, and I hope to be able to do that at some point this week. But I have to admit that it's turning out to be a lot harder than expected. I could certainly go for hours talking about the low points, but really, I am dubious about the benefit of that. I am long past the point where it would feel cathartic, it seems more self-indulging and whiney... Yes, the bad times deserve to be documented at some point, but I'd rather see them documented with a good dose of humour (even if it's black), rather than self-pity... So they will have to wait until my sense of humour is back ;)

Other than that, 32 feels fine. My Mom was recalling how old she felt when she was 32 (and on her second pregnancy), but I don't find myself feeling much older than last week. Or wiser for that matter ;)

That's it for my birthday ramblings... I promise to be more upbeat in an upcoming entry (though that may have to wait, as spare time is pretty hard to find these days - tomorrow nigh our choir has another performance at a retirement residence, so I am sure tonight's practice is going to go late...).

Oh, and just so that this post is not all gloom and doom, I am really quite excited about the end of this month, as most of DH's family is planning to descend on our house. It will be DH's grandmother's 95th birthday, so BIL and his pregnant wife and their twins, SIL and her husband, and FIL are all going to come over to stay at our place for the weekend. I'm sure it's going to be fun (though hectic). And it will definitely help pull me out of this slump ;) Babies have a way of doing that!!! I'll be sure to post plenty of pictures.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Another weekend bites the dust

Another busy weekend went by. Unfortunately, I had to come into work on Sunday, but it was such a beautiful day DH decided to go for one last skate on the canal. As of this morning, the canal is now closed, so it was his last chance. We toyed with the idea of going for a ski in the late afternoon, but the snow levels are pretty low. The sun has been melting the snow quite a bit over the last week...

In other news, from the wild animals at the homestead, yesterday afternoon I found a dead mole at the back entrance to the house (sorry, no pictures). Placed perfectly just at the door. Because I suspect no mole in its right mind would climb 7 steps of stairs just to die at our doorstep, I am assuming this is a present from our feline friend. She hasn't forgotten us! Even though she spent most of the winter in the neighbour's barn, she must still have fond memories of us, leaving us such a sweet (and gross) present! I ended up using the snow shovel to get it out in the yard...

Aside from that, we did some more tidying up around the house. We finally completely cleaned out the computer room. I wish I had taken a before picture, because the room is unrecognizeable now. We took out a bookshelf, and moved the old computer downstairs, so the room is a lot more spacious, and DH keeps complaining about the echo :) We need to hang up stuff on the walls, now that we've opened up so much space... I am not the biggest cleaning/tidying fan out there, but I have to admit that it's a nice feeling to get the place cleaned up like this from time to time. We now have at least 3 more useful rooms compared to what we had at the end of last year (1 unfinished room, and 2 rooms full of junk). Which works out well, since at the end of the month we will have a house full of guests, as DH's family is coming to town to celebrate his grandmother's 95th birthday. That means my FIL will be here, plus two couples (SIL+husband and BIL+wife), plus the twins. We better have lots of space so everyone can fit and not feel crowded...

Work is getting busier and busier all the time. I think it's only going to get worse, at least until the summer. I am in charge of a project that is going to require lots of coding, and there's only two of us working on it (the other guy being a new grad), and we only have around 10 weeks to get it all done. All of it. And I am still just working on the documentation for it... But I'm getting a fairly good idea of what we need to do, and if I need to work nights and weekends, then so be it. At least it's a very interesting project, working on something that's new to me, so it's kind of exciting. Ask me again if this was a good idea in 2 months :)

That's my update for today!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Animal video

This video just made my day! You need sound to fully enjoy it, so put on your headphones, or un-mute your speakers :)

Isn't it great? Certainly brightened up my day :)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

So here we go again

Today is D-day for layoffs in my area. Everyone is pretty gloomy. It looks like most of the people were notified already, so everyone is gathering in the hallways discussing what it all means. I have to say, they always manage to surprise me. Some of the cuts were unfortunately quite expected, but others seem to come out of the blue. Then again, some people seem to escape multiple rounds of layoffs unscathed, though if this had been "Survivor", they would have been voted off long ago.

It's really hard to find the motivation to do anything at all when stuff like this happens. I know I am behind on producing my document, and I was really hoping to have it done today, but it's starting to look less and less likely that it will actually happen. Instead, I am chatting with coworkers and blogging. I think it's a pretty common thing, that a day of layoffs roughly translates into a week of lost productivity. Even though we're getting better and better at dealing with it, realizing that it's not the end of the world. Most people I know who got let go, ended up going on to do bigger and better things (one of my friends completed a grueling MBA program, and had just joined the Clinton Foundation, helping stop the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa - how cool is that?). Still, this kind of rejection is never easy, especially in the first few days/weeks/months. Everyone goes through all those stages of grief, though some faster than others. Those of us left behind simply shake our heads, and wait for the next round...

Told you things were gloomy around here!