Even though I haven't been posting much lately, I've slowly resumed my blog reading addiction. A few days ago, I read this post and it's been on my mind ever since.
The post talks about how much harder life with newborn twins is compared to a singleton. While that may seem like a no-brainer "d'uh" for most of us, I guess some people don't quite get it. I guess it helps when you personally know people with twins and realize how much extra work it is. I have to admit I am in awe of parents of multiples, as well as single parents, especially now that I'm a Mom myself.
But the thing that resonated with me from the post was the following line:
This is not the kind of parent I thought I would be.
Even though I only had one little newborn Bunny, and even though she is such an easy baby and a good sleeper (meaning I cannot blame sleep deprivation for anything), I have had the feeling above on many, many, many occasions over the last 3 months.
Really, I have it so good. I am off for the whole year, I only have one child to take care of, she's healthy and happy and good-natured. And believe me, I count my blessings every day! I guess in a way because I have it so good, I've set very high expectations for myself as a parent. After all, I should be able to spend my every waking moment making sure that Bunny is properly entertained, that she gets the requisite amount of tummy time, that I read to her daily etc. And I try to make sure all of that happens, with varying degrees of success (she really dislikes tummy time :S).
But the thing is, I always seem to find something that makes me feel guilty. For example, since she's had baby acne, cradle cap, yeasty diaper rash and eczema, I keep wondering if she's getting washed enough/too much, if I'm using the right products, you know, the standard fretful Mom thing. Or the fact that she wasn't interested at all in books until the last week or so, was that because I wasn't presenting them to her in the right way? There's no end of things to worry about. Which is not something I expected at all, since I'm not usually one to fret and dwell on things.
Now, I'm not saying that this in any way compares to taking care of newborn twins, but what I am realizing is that it may just be a pretty universal experience to feel guilty/inadequate in the first few months of motherhood. No matter whether we're in an impossibly hard situation, or a relatively easy one, we will fret and worry, and feel guilty etc, and I guess we have to find a way to deal with it and accept that there's no such thing as a perfect parent. Which makes me feel a little better... But it makes me sympathize even more with the mothers who do have a less than ideal situation and have to deal with those pesky feelings on top of everything else...