Friday, April 08, 2011

A lot of work ahead, and some fun

It's been a hard week in our household. BR is going through another phase of asserting her independence, wanting to control absolutely everything and fighting us tooth and nail if things don't go her way. I had kind of hoped the "terrible two's" were behind us, and all of a sudden we get tantrums like we haven't seen before.

Today I realized something: at least part of the problem in the last few weeks has been on my part. In the past, when BR had a meltdown or a tantrum, I remembered that she was just a kid (baby, really), trying to sort out her emotions, and not able to handle them. I think we've been fairly successful in navigating those waters.

This time things are different. BR seems defiant, and trying to push boundaries in ways she's never done before. While in the past she might have fought us on one thing or another, because she actually cared about that specific thing, we could often negotiate with her and explain why things had to be done a certain way. Now, once she gets into the fighting spirit, she will fight over anything and everything, and there's just no negotiating at all. She does not want to hear it.

Unfortunately, this is where I discovered how stubborn I really am. I can't believe I never really wondered about my stubbornness before, but at least now I know. I get it into my head that my job is to enforce some boundaries, and while I try to do my best to pick my battles, once the line in the sand is drawn, I stick to it. Not that it feels good, mind you. I get annoyed and frustrated, but I won't give in, and we and up in a battle of wills.

Anyway, half the battle is figuring out the problem, and today I realized how much baggage I am bringing into the whole exchange and how much resentment it stirs up inside me. I'm realizing that I don't enjoy being the rule enforcer, but I don't know how to do anything other than deal with rules. The saving grace thus far has been the fact that BR also loves rules (taking after her Mum I guess), and so as long as we explain things well at her level, we were usually ok.

Anyway, all that as a long way of explaining that I have a fair bit of work to do to apply this new found knowledge/understanding, and work at diffusing situations by not letting these altercations get the best of me and not contribute to the escalation. Wish me luck!

Luckily there are lots of fun things planned for the weekend too, that we can look forward to (playdates and things!), so I'm hoping it will all be good in the end :)

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