Random thoughts

My first few months of being a parent have been full of interesting surprises. Luckily most of them have been good :) Here's a random sample of the latest ones.

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So far, DH has been very good about taking care of BR whenever I've needed to go out (whether it be choir Tuesday nights, or a run for groceries or whatever). For quite a while, he would prefer that she was asleep when I left, and I can't blame him for it, especially since these days his back won't let him pick her up, and she is less likely to have a screaming fit while sleeping (although the screaming fit has happened exactly once, so it's quite unlikely). So yesterday I wanted to take advantage of the break in the rain to cut the grass, and I told DH "So as soon as she's asleep, I'll leave her with you and go outside". To which he replied indignantly "Why asleep? I can take care of her while she's awake!". Yes, the time has come when DH has so much fun playing with BR, he'd rather do that than watch TV ;)

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I've always looked forward to the harder tasks of parenting, helping my kid(s) grow up to be decent human beings, teaching them wrong from right, self-control etc. Always thought I was up for the challenges that parenting brings. And now all of a sudden I seem to be wimping out. Just the thought of having to discipline BR at some point makes me sad. I know I need to do what's best for her, which includes setting limits and boundaries and all that good stuff, but deep inside I just want to make her life fun and easy. She is just such a ray of sunshine, it's very hard to imagine being firm and strict with her. Welcome to the realities of parenting, where all your preconceived notions go out the window :)
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As much as I enjoy having the opportunity to sleep through the whole night again, I have to say I miss the middle of the night feedings. I was quite enjoying the opportunity to cuddle and the only breastfeeding moments when she wasn't getting distracted by the world at large. It was just me and her in the quiet semi-darkness, peaceful moments of togetherness. And I was in no hurry to see her sleep through the night, despite my Mom's insistence that at 3 months BR was "ready for it". I knew the time would come, and I knew I would miss it. I am also still waking up in the middle of the night worried that I haven't heard anything from BR in more than 4 hours (she sleeps for 9 hours straight these days), and wondering if she's ok. It's sometimes hard to resist the temptation to get up and check on her :) But of course she's ok, and she does wake up quite famished when DH gets up for work.